Well our producer Richard (Dick Cam) Cameron surprisingly pulled through for us and got us a review copy of Assassin 33 A.D.; a movie that answers so many questions that no one in their right mind would ever ask. Questions like: “what would a cross between Avengers: End Game and Left Behind look like?” or “could Jesus download English into his brain?”. I assure you that these questions and more are answered by the end of the movie, and somehow managed to garner a more than $1 rating from both of us.
As you can imagine a movie where the plot revolves around an Islamic terrorist plot to go back in time and kill Jesus, it has more than a few issues with depictions of Muslims and those from the middle east. The motivation of the main villain is never really fleshed out, so his whole plan seems pretty cartoonish and one dimensional, to say the least. There is also a very white Jesus, and the female dialogue was obviously written by someone that has no idea how people talk. That being said, it is just crazy enough to be entertaining. The movie is all over the place, with overlapping timelines, “interesting” interpretations of Christian and Islamic beliefs, and motivations that don’t make a whole lot of sense, but somehow manages to stay consistent and somewhat coherent throughout. This movie is essentially the movie Ed Wood would have made, if he had decided to make that movie for the Baptist Church of Beverly Hills, instead of Plan 9 From Outer Space, which means that it is much more enjoyable if you are drinking.
Drinking Games:
– Take a drink every time there is a gold cross prominently displayed in the female lead’s cleavage (it’s surprisingly/unsurprisingly a lot)
– Take a drink every time a taser is used
– Take a drink every time a character wearing a time bracelet dies
– Take a drink every time you feel like you need one
Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
https://archive.org/download/dbp-007-assassin-33-ad/dbp007%20-%20Assassin%2033AD.mp3
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