Dollar Binema – Episode 15 – FPS: First Person Shooter

Despite promising to get back on track, we managed to come together for the second show in a month and watched a unique movie called “FPS: First Person Shooter.”  It tries to pay homage by being in the style of a classic first-person shooter and has lots of nods to several early games, especially “Blood.”  The main character is voiced by the same voice actor who played the main character in the Blood games.  While the people who made this obviously had a love for these old games, they unfortunately did not share the same love for pretty much anything that is involved with making a movie.

It starts off slow and honestly does not pick up much speed after that.  The main character is on a rescue mission to save his wife from a zombie outbreak, but given the sadistic musings of the voice actor it really clashes with the kind of character that the writers wanted to portray.  There are several interesting moments, but not enough to fill out a full movie runtime; most of the movie is just the main character singing to himself and idle animations… just so many idle animations.  Eventually he tracks down the source of the plague and finds his wife, but it’s too late and you are left wondering why either the viewer or the protagonist bothered.

Proposed Drinking Games:

— Drink when the main character gets a key

— Drink when the main character takes a dose of medicine

— Drink when the main character sings

— Drink every time there is a poorly spoken tape/letter

Podcast Intro —

Music from https://filmmusic.io

“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —

Music from https://filmmusic.io

“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp015.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 14 – Evil Bong

Happy Day-After-Boxing-Day, it’s our Halloween special! After much mentioning, we finally rolled the “cult” “classic” “Evil Bong”. This stoner, um…. comedy? is definitely a movie, and is definitely another Full Moon production full of self referential content, strippers, and puppets. It has also spawned something in the neighborhood of 7 sequels, which isn’t at all concerning.

The film opens with a stereotypical nerdmeister meeting his new college roommates, all of which are also stereotypical one-dimensional characters. Before too long, one of them sees an ad for a giant bong in a magazine and orders it. Shortly after they start smoking from it and, one by one, the evil bong transports the smokers to, I kid you not, an evil strip club. In this club there are numerous Full Moon cameos, including multiple masturbating puppets; the strippers then proceed to kill the smokers with increasingly odd carnivorous bras. Eventually, Tommy Chong shows up and helps to save the day from the evil talking bong and amazingly all the people killed by the bong come back to life and Tommy Chong plays with toy cars on topless strippers. I think you can now see why one would need to be on something to fully appreciate this movie.

Proposed Drinking Games:
— Drink when someone lights a joint or bong
— Drink when someone says monkey
— Drink every time the movie grossly misrepresents how people act when they are high

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp014.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 13 – Brain Twisters

Sorry it took us a while to get to this baker’s dozen, but life got in the way of letting this Scrantalaicious sci fi horror thriller out of the oven until we were truly ready for it!  (Blame our respective employers for actually wanting us to do work for a change.)  This session’s movie is the 1991 thriller:  Brain Twisters.  Also released as Fractals, we are watching the version featured in the Cult Classic Gorehouse Greats Collection, (and for free on Youtube!) 

We got a lot of lucky 13s on this episode, the time, the audio engineering, the episode number…..  just wow.  This movie is the only full-length feature by director Jerry Sangiuliano, and filmed Entirely in Scranton, PA, (as artfully noticed and researched by our dutiful hosts…)  If you liked Brainscan and thought Brainstorm was too artsy, then this might be the Brain-movie for you.  Chock full of questionable Italian representation and baffling MPAA ratings, this movie has everything you need to have a fun B-movie romp.

The film opens with a mysterious car accident that isn’t touched on ever again, (or is it?)  We then follow noted Brain Professor and absolute sex pest, Dr Rothman, as he goes on a journey finding out his experiments are driving his subjects crazy; a fact that his financiers find out far sooner than he does.  This movie features an astounding amount of what would now be considered sexual harassment and Italian racism, but it is far too disjointed to be taken seriously.  Brinker calls Jerry the Don Dohler of Scranton, and Weyant says this is the closest thing he’s seen to a True Crime re-enactment made into a feature film; it’s a fun romp that has lots of weird regional details, which adds to its ambience. 

Proposed Drinking Games:
— Drink when someone uses The Machine or has it used on them
— Drink when someone hangs up a phone
— Drink every time Dr Rothman is creepy (normal difficulty,) or a sex pest, (Irish difficulty)
— Drink every time someone wigs out and completely loses it
— Drink every time you feel like it might be a little bit racist against Italians

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp013.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 12 – Lemon Sky

We wrap up a cool dozen episodes with the 1988 Kevin Bacon film: “Lemon Sky.” After finally getting through our Kevin Bacon wall after the travesty that was “Queens Logic,” we are treated with what turned out to be a TV adaptation of a play by the same name. This dialogue heavy film definitely keeps the look and feel of a stage play; it’s more artsy-fartsy than our typical tripe, but we manage to get through the free form jazz and sometimes disjointed narrative… Drinking may have been involved.

This film is set in what looks like the 1950’s, with a son (Kevin Bacon) meeting his estranged father and traveling across half the country to move in with his new family. Things seem to start off fine, and Bacon meets his half siblings and adoptive step siblings. His estranged father quickly starts pushing his son to go to school and find a job, both full time, while also berating him for not doing all the other things he used to do as a teen. Through a series of internal and external monologues we find out the one step sister is on a variety of drugs and his other adoptive step sister is being hit on by his dad. He becomes more abusive and claims Bacon is a homosexual because he isn’t out chasing girls, and kicks him out. Bacon drops a whole lot of exposition about past abuses from his father before he left his mother, everything pretty much falls apart, and the credits roll. Overall, the acting is pretty good in this film, but unless you are really into the arts you are probably gonna want some drinks to get you through this thing.

Drinking Games:

– Drink every time a beer is opened

– Drink every time the movie cuts to Kevin Bacon in a black shirt

– Drink every time there is a monologue with a lighting change

– Drink every time a you see a new person shows up in the “dream bar”

– Drink every time you think Kevin Bacon and his stepmom are going to bang (a drunk Brinker suggestion)

Podcast Intro —

Music from https://filmmusic.io

“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —

Music from https://filmmusic.io

“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp012.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 11 – Decadent Evil

dbp011.mp3

For our eleventh episode and our first anniversary, we have randomly chosen the 2005 (that looks like it’s from the 90’s) movie: Decadent Evil. This is the first movie off our four movie disc from the mind of Charles Band; we struggled to come up with a full length episode with this movie, as the runtime was barely over an hour and a good 15 minutes of that was opening/closing credits.  This of course made the drinking game more difficult, also, this movie is not good, but does manage to stray into the realm of being somewhat entertainingly bad, as long as it is accompanied by a rapid fire drink fest.

Drinking Games:

Remember this movie is only an hour long, so hard liquor is probably not the best choice.

– Drink every time there is a credit sequence
– Drink every time a vampire bites someone
– Drink every time you see a greek statue or there is a dutch angle exterior shot, (you’ll know it when you see it)
– Drink every time a homunculus is jerking it. If you think he might be, he is.
– Drink every time you see a black and white checkered floor

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Dollar Binema – Episode 10 – The Peacemaker

Well we made it; for our tenth episode we are watching the 1997 action movie “The Peacemaker,” which was picked by our colleges of Brad and Rick Also Have a Podcast. It was not easy to find the movie while also adhering to the strict rules we have established for Dollar Binema, but thanks to eBay, we managed to score this masterpiece within our budget. The movie details a plot to steal nuclear warheads from the unstable former Soviet Union and hide the theft under the guise of a train crash. But through the efforts of George Clooney and Nicole Kidman, the day is eventually saved. While nowhere near the best movie we have watched thus far, it was unexpectedly good for a movie picked by Rick.

The movie follows the plan of a rogue Russian general to steal numerous warheads, with the help of a Bosnian musician….to um…arm them? It vaguely makes sense when you watch it. It also depicts Bosnia in the most over the top eastern European squalor way possible, like Borat cranked to 11, making the scenes more accidentally humorous as opposed to the tragedy they were going for. Anyway, the protagonists stop the general, while George Clooney commits some war crimes along the way and the bomb then ends up in New York City, thanks to some comically bad decisions by law enforcement.

Despite being a 90’s action movie, we will give credit to it for being surprisingly realistic in many ways and mostly avoiding the magic action hero tropes. Even though the villain had won for all intents and purposes, the only way the heroes saved the day was because the villain wanted to make a point, and detonate the bomb at the United Nations. Overall the movie wasn’t bad, and if post Cold War action movies are your thing, this shouldn’t disappoint, but let’s get to the import part….

Drinking Games:

– Drink every time there is a ridiculous establishing shot of Bosnia
– Drink every time a nuclear bomb changes vehicles/mode of transport
– Drink every time a vehicle crashes into another vehicle
– Drink every time the camera focuses on shoes

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp010.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 09 – Barb Wire

 

The movie takes place during the 2nd American Civil War, with one side literally dressed as Nazis, and the other side just not explained at all. There is the appearance of a really interesting world backdrop and a story going on with the war, but it is not talked about at all, and instead focuses on a leather clad, bar owner/bounty hunter. It is very obvious from the beginning that there is only one reason this movie was made, and that is to gawk at Pamela Anderson. There is a loose plot about special contact lenses, but the main character really dont give a fuck about any of it until the very very end of movie. It is by no means good, but probably served its purpose in a pre Internet world.

Drinking Games:

– Drink every time Barb Wire kills someone without using a gun
– Drink every time there is a retinal scan
– Drink every time you recognize an actor, but don’t know their name
– Drink every time you see Barb Wire topless (use your best judgement on this, because the opening credits could in fact kill you)

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp009.mp3

 

Dollar Binema – Episode 08 – Assassin 33 AD

Well our producer Richard (Dick Cam) Cameron surprisingly pulled through for us and got us a review copy of Assassin 33 A.D.; a movie that answers so many questions that no one in their right mind would ever ask. Questions like: “what would a cross between Avengers: End Game and Left Behind look like?” or “could Jesus download English into his brain?”. I assure you that these questions and more are answered by the end of the movie, and somehow managed to garner a more than $1 rating from both of us.

As you can imagine a movie where the plot revolves around an Islamic terrorist plot to go back in time and kill Jesus, it has more than a few issues with depictions of Muslims and those from the middle east. The motivation of the main villain is never really fleshed out, so his whole plan seems pretty cartoonish and one dimensional, to say the least. There is also a very white Jesus, and the female dialogue was obviously written by someone that has no idea how people talk. That being said, it is just crazy enough to be entertaining. The movie is all over the place, with overlapping timelines, “interesting” interpretations of Christian and Islamic beliefs, and motivations that don’t make a whole lot of sense, but somehow manages to stay consistent and somewhat coherent throughout. This movie is essentially the movie Ed Wood would have made, if he had decided to make that movie for the Baptist Church of Beverly Hills, instead of Plan 9 From Outer Space, which means that it is much more enjoyable if you are drinking.

Drinking Games:

– Take a drink every time there is a gold cross prominently displayed in the female lead’s cleavage (it’s surprisingly/unsurprisingly a lot)
– Take a drink every time a taser is used
– Take a drink every time a character wearing a time bracelet dies
– Take a drink every time you feel like you need one

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

https://archive.org/download/dbp-007-assassin-33-ad/dbp007%20-%20Assassin%2033AD.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 07 – The Devil’s Tomb

Welcome to Hell! In this episode we watch the 2009 horror film “The Devil’s Tomb”, a Cuba Gooding Jr. direct to video movie, from a string of direct to video releases for him that year. The movie also stars Henry Rollins (Black Flag) playing a confused priest, Ron Perlman pretty much as himself, and Taryn Manning (Orange Is the New Black) as one of the film’s antagonists. We are again recording over a conference line due to ongoing COVID concerns, and have tried to not fall down the IMDB hole; hopefully avoiding any more passive aggressive emails from our producer Dick Cameron.

This movie is not good to say the least, but is nowhere near the worst movie we have watched thus far. There are so many action/horror movie tropes that the script could have been completely written using predictive typing, and half the cast look like they are just doing this for the rent money. It was made for 10 million dollars over the course of 2 months and it definitely shows, coming off like a SYFY original movie with less sharks and more demon pustules. While the movie does not lend itself to thought or discussion afterwards, we did come to the conclusion that it lends itself to good drinking game fodder.

Drinking Games:

– Drink whenever Cuba Gooding Jr. has a flashback.
– Drink whenever the hacker character Click, gets some sort of bodily fluid on his face.
– Drink whenever a member of the team splits off from the rest by themselves.
– Drink whenever a gun is fired, chug your drink through any auto-fire scenes. (warning: you will be drinking a lot)

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

 

dbp007.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 6 – The Brainiac

We have meet once again to watch the third and final movie on this disc of horror.

The movie is the 1961 Mexican horror film “The Brainiac” or “El Baron del Terror”. The movie follows the “revenge” plot of a sorcerer/necromancer/witch/

whatever from 1661, who he magics his way 300 years into the future after being burned at the stake. This movie plays out as your stereotypical 50’s/60’s B-movie horror film, and it’s full of all the tropes and production quality you would expect. This movie is also of the caliber to have been riffed by RiffTrax. There is much awkward staring, brain sucking, and exactly zero Swedish sex scenes.

Drinking Game:

After much discussion we came up with the following to do for the drinking game.
– Drink whenever the Baron eats from the brain chalice or sucks out a brain.
– Drink whenever a face is transposed over another persons face, the monster counts.

This movie is also available in it’s entirety on YouTube, with a little searching.

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp006.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 5 – Fury Of The Wolfman

We have decided to bite the bullet and continue on with the other two movies on our 3 movie DVD. We are also trying something new by doing our review over a conference, due to COVID concerns, and will be continuing to do episodes in this manner for the foreseeable future.

The second movie on this disc, is the 1972 Spanish horror film “The Fury of the Wolfman”, or as we described it, “Someone thought that was a good idea”. Despite the movie being utter trash, it was just awful enough to be entertaining, and we were able to make a full length episode about it, in spite of a short sideline into currency conversion. We discovered that this movie had a very odd history, being delayed at first, then released with different edits in different countries. Most notably we found out that the Swedish version of this movie had numerous sex scenes added in, this is unfortunately not that version of the movie.

Drinking Game:

After much discussion we came up with the following to do for the drinking game.
– Drink whenever you think that the Swedes would have added a sex scene.
– Alternatively just drink whenever you have become confused about what is happening in the movie. (warning you will be drinking a lot)

This movie is also available in it’s entirety on YouTube, as nobody in their right mind would keep the copyright on this.

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

 

dbpc005.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 4 – Dr Blood’s Coffin

We have listened to fans…well fan anyway, and have not gone down the IMDB hole this episode. We are also ditching the not trying to spoil the plot, at least for now, because it was getting super difficult to actually review the movie and make a drinking game without giving some stuff away.

What we have for you today is Hammer Films wannabe “Doctor Blood’s Coffin” (1961) part 1 of a 3 pack of older horror films. This film comes from the British Isles, and is part, Dr. Frankenstein, part Jekyll and Hyde, part zombie movie, and 100% bottom of the barrel. The plot follows the misguided and deranged Dr. Blood as he experiments on the local townsfolk, and generally does a really, really bad job of covering his tracks. We tried really hard to give this movie an in depth discussion but the movie did not give us much to work with, and needless to say, a drinking game will be very important if you were to ever watch this movie.

Drinking Game:

After much discussion we came up with the following to do for the drinking game.
– Drink when detective wipes his sweaty forehead.
– Drink when Dr. Blood is being super obviously guilty in public, and nobody notices.

This movie is also available in it’s entirety on YouTube, as nobody in their right mind would keep the copyright on this.

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

 

dbpc004.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 3 – Sushi Girl

In this episode of Dollar Binema, the crew discovers a very interesting 2012 Tarentino-like called “Sushi Girl,” a character-actor laden movie that was made with a budget of less than a million dollars. The film stars Tony Todd, (who apparently backed the film as executive producer,) Mark Hamill, (taking his career in a very interesting direction,) Noah Hathaway, (ATREYU…) Sonny Chiba, (Who apparently now must be a sushi chef in all movies,) and Cortney Palm, (who would go on to make such movies as ‘Zombeavers’)

Surprise guest actors include Michael Biehn and Danny Trejo, making this movie a weird singularity of actors that both don’t appear in enough movies and ones that appear in almost everything.

We apologize in advance for trying to review this movie without spoiling anything. Turns out it’s real hard to do a deep dive of a plot-driven movie filled with character actors and not talk about what actually happens in it.

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbpc003.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 2 – Queens Logic

A whole two people told us that Dollar Binema was for keeps, so we’re making more of it. Tune on in as our hosts continue to dive within the maddening depths of the dollar store DVD bin as we find a rare breed amongst the usual trash: an R-rated Rom-Com romp that is full of professional actors of the 90s. It’s not like any of their careers could take a bad turn, right?

This week’s piece of Binema is 1991’s “Queens Logic,” starring starring Kevin Bacon, Linda Fiorentino, Joe Mantegna, Jamie Lee Curtis, John Malkovich, Ken Olin, Chloe Webb and Tom Waits(!) Tune on in to find out if the R rating is for John Malkovich’s ass, or Kevin Bacon’s dong.

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbpc002.mp3

Dollar Binema – Episode 1 – Dragonslayer

Welcome to the first episode of Dollar Binema. In this Beyond Caring Media Network Miniseries, our two movie-nerd co-hosts will only review the finest of DVDs that one of them found at their local dollar store or thrift shop, letting you know if you should spend your hard earned dollar on films that are either diamonds in the rough, or spectacular splats of film that are only good for drinking games at parties. As the rules go, they’re only allowed to review movies they haven’t seen, so the contents of this show are going to be… eclectic to the say the least.

First on this list, is 1981’s Dragonslayer, starring Peter MacNicol, Caitlin Clarke, Ralph Richardson, and a large dragon puppet.

Podcast Intro —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Sonata 17” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Podcast Interlude —
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Narcissus” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

dbp001.mp3